Who is talking out of her head, not only is grief an out of body experience, so is the launching of a book. I have known for a long time, what defines long, in grief? I have known since 2005, that I would need to share my story, but I did not know what that would look like.
Does one want to stand undressed before a crowd? NO.
Susan Shaughnessy said, that perhaps I will look at my suffering as a gift, perhaps not a gift meant for me, but for others, and she would write on the hunch that it may be so. It is hard to view hard times as a gift.
I am writing on the belief that being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness.
When tragedy strikes, the landscape for those involved is forever changed, but I do believe that there is still incredible beauty to be experienced, that life has a greater purpose and meaning, and my sorrow has thrust me into a desperate longing to be connected with the author of life. On that premise … I have shared from my journals in my writings.
I loved it, my granddaughter thought I must be famous now! Although is that the respect I get?
whoistalking 
There are three small windows I can see from where I sit huddled in the corner of the silver Airstream trailer this morning. It’s raining again and the windows are covered by low-hanging cedar branches that I can smell through the cracks in the plexiglass windows. How old is this trailer? At some point, someone with way more artistic talent than me painted the interior in shades of Mediterranean greenish blues. I think I recognize the graffiti of an old friend I used to know when I lived here.
My bum hurts because I’ve been snuggled down under multiple blankets and on top of a lumpy mattress for a bunch of hours now as I finished your book. About two hours ago I sent Elora down the path in her pajamas, sandals, and hoody to watch cartoons with her dad at his cabin I can almost see around the curve of the path. I wonder if he thought to feed her breakfast?
The last week on the west coast has been busy, and still I’ve peppered my time here of work commitments and seeing old friends with many moments of reading and reflecting on your book. You’ve been with me in coffee shops, on sidewalk benches, in oceanside lounge chairs, in hotel bars, and in this little trailer that Elora and I have been sleeping in for the past few nights.
I feel so grateful to continue knowing you more and more. I have such huge respect for you and your courage. I think many of us have stories inside ourselves but certainly only a few could gather the courage to write them down, publish them for anyone to read, and then ALSO set up a blog to accept comments from the world. You got balls, girl!
I am so proud of you, Joc, for taking on this journey and for sharing it with people. Thank you for helping me know you better and for helping me learn better ways to support the people I love. You inspire me in so many ways. I’m looking forward to more opportunities for us to continue connecting as single, fierce women, taking on the world. I can only hope to be as honest with the world as you have become.
“…and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anaïs Nin
Love you, girl,
Ainsley
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“and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful thatn the risk it took to blossom.” -Anaïs Nin, what a beautiful quote… Thanks for the words, and the support. As scary as being vulnerable is, defined as being “susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm,” I appreciate it in others, but it feels a little naked, but I choose to view it as a strength. And you are so right, there are many stories, many lives that we can learn from. Blessings! J
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Jocelyn: I have had the honor of reading some of your poetry, so I know there is such beauty and depth to your words. I have no doubt that you have been able to do the same thing in your book (love the title, by the way). I, too, believe that being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness and that life does have a greater purpose and meaning (and its up to each of us to find it, in our own way). Putting yourself and your writing out there takes such courage. I am so proud of you (and inspired by you), Jocelyn. I hope to follow in your footsteps one day. All the best, D.
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I just finished reading your story. Wow! Thank you for courageously sharing your journey. There is something so beautiful and captivating about people who are willing to be real, genuine, and completely honest with the world. I appreciate how you have put your journey on paper for others to learn from – I sincerely believe God will use this book to transform hearts and minds by bringing hope and healing to others going through similar experiences, as well as deeply impact those on the supporting side of those grieving. I learned so much from your story (I actually feel like I need to read it again!) about what the process of grief actually looks like and how to better understand and empathize those having experienced tragedy. Thank you for being vulnerable – yes, it is an incredible strength. I will pray for God to affirm you as you continue to share this book and your story with others. May He continue to give you courage and strength as He reveals His purposes to you in all of this. Bless you.
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