Missing Magic 29

Magic Twenty-Nine

Twenty-nine on the 29th IMG_4216
As hard as I try to make it palatable
The magic is missing for me.
Ten birthday cakes I could not make …
She may be having heavenly tea
Alongside Angel food cake with berries
Small comfort this day.
I see her as she was in the old photos
I remember her Little Mermaid birthday cake
Her shy smile, or vivacious big grin
She never knew her true beauty
I remember her as she sang in church,
Slight hands cupped upward
face glowing
I knew she was connecting to Heaven.
I miss her when the tulip tips poke through the soft April earth
She shared the gardener’s heart.
I miss her every Christmas,
Her CD brings me to tears
As (Hark) the Herald Angels sing to me her gift of Love.
I miss her when I see the three lovely ones
who never got to meet their precious auntie.
I miss the beauty and life she brought to the room by just being present.
And I always wonder?
And I think I will wonder that till the day I die.
DSCN7439But for this day
I choose again to remember her beauty
To remember her “gift of poverty”
Her ability to connect with those on the social edges
She loved life, and the author of it.
I choose to be grateful that I was blessed to have a daughter as lovely as her.

I always thought spring was a wonderful time to have babies, new life, new hope.
And for this day, I choose Hope.
Happy Birthday Precious girl!

Two website on Hope in the grieving:

5 thoughts on “Missing Magic 29

  1. Hugs to you, Joc! So many wonderful memories, so much to miss, to long for and wish for, and so much to be grateful for. Thank you for sharing your heart. – Kate

    Kate Kroeker
    Sent from my iPad



  2. My heart breaks for you. I was given your book by my dear friend Kate Kroeker after I lost my son in a MVA Dec 23/12. although our stories are different, I felt your pain and emotions, I felt like I could have written so many parts of your book. Your courage and faith is an inspiration to me. I know we will see our children in heaven again some day and until then I pray for comfort and peace for you. God Bless

    Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2014 00:20:03 +0000 To: freidee@hotmail.com


  3. Hi Joc, I am unsure of how to respond to this post. There is such depth; I can hear your anguish from missing her and what her life could have been; the loss that you know Kristen’s kids experience and they, possibly even oblivious to this significant loss. We have been thinking about Brittany in the past few days and been reminded of her beauty – as you say, so lovely in outer appearance but her pure heart for God made her positively radiate.
    Big hug in the spirit to you for now.

    Love you lots dear sistah… Debbie

    Debbie Krahn



  4. Thank you for sharing so eloquently and so poignantly that we all tap into our understanding of how deep loss and resident grief give true meaning to hope. From a painter’s perspective, it’s by painting the negative space we define the object–the loss and grief outline the love and hope.
    Sending you my love and hope.


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