The Advent-ure of Joy and SAD

I bring you good news of great joy, that will be for all the people.

joy-does-not-simply-happen-to-us-we-have-to-choose-joy-and-keep-choosing-it-every-day-joy-quotesAfter three days of thick fog, and pondering thoughts of joy, for the third Advent-ure, I realized that England or Vancouver are not ideal places for me to live. Three days of fog was enough to diminish the joy I’d been working on.

Is my Joy up to me? While I believe I have a part to play, surely I cannot be sole source of my joy. What is joy? I combined my ideas with Kay Warren’s and Theopedia’s to define joy as a (positive)state of mind and orientation of the heart,(theopedia) brought about because of the settled assurance that I am not in control of all details of my life (God is); this brings a confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright. (Warren)

Joy is hard to find and easy to lose.

What are the big joy snatchers? We each have our own as our individuality plays a part. Over time, I have learned which things trigger me, but oh these thieves are deceptive sneaky little buggers. And then guilt tags along to remind me that I should be more joyful, I should be more grateful. And I want to tell him where to go, but initially his familiar voice lures me into guilt’s downward spiral.

That negative list is easy to focus on. Richard Rohr says that “True joy is harder to hold onto than anger or hatred.” I can attest to that, even shallow joy passes that test.

Stress, which for me includes technology glitches, erodes my joy.

Relationship glitches/misunderstandings between people I care about is another joy thief.

What are my Joy Practices?

Walking is a good antidote for me.

My Mop/Mind of Peace helps me get to where I want to go.

Looking outward and inward to find joy.

This week I had several joy moments, the little moments of daily joy.

Listening to great music with a friend, getting outdoors, and the greatest gift of Joy this past week came through a Christmas drama Friday night.

I had to drive a half hour in barely-could-see-the-lines fog to get to the theatre. Had I IMG_0285not invited two friends along, I would have stayed home. When we found our seats, we wondered if we had carried the fog inside. Machine produced haze created the ambiance. The drama was one of the most creative, artistic re-telling of the Christmas story I’d ever experienced. Moved to tears several times, as the dancers, actors, narrators, and musicians carried me along the backdrop story to show the birth of love and mercy at Christmas. The phenomenal opening and closing scenes included an aerial ring acrobat, a mini Cirque du Soleil style performance. The artist changed from a silver body suit in the opening, to a red one in the finale, while the chorus sang about Unspeakable Joy. Something in my heart shifted.

IMG_0274Simone Weil has said that two things pierce the soul, beauty and affliction. This red dancer was beauty in the midst of suffering. This pictured for me the Joy that comes in both the morning, and the mourning. It comes as the spirit is invited in.

Saturday, as I set out for my walk, the local fog finally lifted, revealing stunning hoarfrost on all the trees. This reminded me of the people walking in darkness metaphor, of seeing a great light. When the fog lifts, joy like the hoarfrost covers everything in its path … even the garbage.

And I am humbly reminded of my fridge magnet –Take my advice, (apparently) I’m not using it 🙂

Peace of Mind Advent-ure

imagesThe slip of the moon shines through the slats of my window blinds, and three lines below – the morning star bright and clear. December days lack in daylight, but the advantage is that the pink sunrise arrives at a respectable 8am. A sense of peace prevails, as I smile back at the moon.

Peace defined as: stress-free state of security and calmness; a freedom from disturbance, war or violence. Peace, a word we toss around this  season, as we light the second Advent candle and wonder how does this message of Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, pair against the late night newscast and our own videos that play in our heads.

Just over six years ago, I met Mitch (not her real name) at the drug clinic I worked at. Dr George, the founder, asked if I would spend some time with one of his most inspirational-quote-peace-2challenging clients, a young woman with a  troubled past, and an addiction of mass quantities of her current prescription choice. Perhaps I could take her out for coffee, now and again. Little did I know … Over many coffees and conversations and trips to the emergency department, I got to know Mitch fairly well. At one point she told me that there was a constant battle going on in her mind between an angel on her right shoulder and a little devil on the left. Clearly the left was winning. She illustrated for me what Paul wrote in Romans 7: I can will it, but I can’t do it … I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. She is not alone in this mind battle; it is one thing when I am fighting the extra chocolate cheese cake in the fridge, or an overdose of barbiturates. 

It has been said that time heals all wounds, it can also be said that time wounds all heals. Unless we come to terms with what has happened in our lives, we GMPOMimagescannot stop the whirling activity of mind. I thought I would be celebrating Christmases with a large family, three children, and the grandkids   adding the extensions so all could fit around the table. It was not to be. And the voices in my head could whirr on …. It has become my daily choice to accept that my life has not turned out as hoped or expected, but there is still much beauty in life. There is a depth of beauty I had not known before. There is a peace that comes when I realize that I am not in control.

I have long said that you can get scriptures and statistics to support any cause. I also have the gift of misinterpreting the ancient words. (It is not mentioned in most spiritual gift listings.) In the NKJV, Phillipians 4 says: Be Wayne_Peaceindexanxious for nothing … I took that to heart. For many years I would be anxious for nothing, wondering if I’d said the right thing, got involved here, donated to the right cause, and the anxious for nothing list went on. This Advent as I ponder the candle of Peace, I am reminded that my great battle for peace is for peace of mind; and I need to practice my Mind of Peace-my Mop. With my Mop I sweep the doubts away.  *I choose to accept my life as it is, not how I wish it was, *I choose to see that there is much beauty in this world, and *I choose to believe I need help in this war. I practice this Mop, this mind of peace with the help of the Prince of Peace.

Peace – one of the greatest gifts of Advent.

Jocelyn is author of Who is Talking out Of My Head, Grief as an Out of Body Experience

Recently someone reminded me of Simon & Garfunkel’s version of Silent Night with the newscast as background; 48 years later it still haunts.  Here are 2 links, the first one with the newscast visual, the second with only the 1966 cover album.  the links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1X_a9o4ezw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgYFXCUEL4Y

The Advent Adventure

IMG_8685Even before the Hallowe’en masks disappeared, Christmas merchandise appeared in the stores. Every time fresh snow fell the song, It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas jingled in my head; and we had snow in September, so it’s been awhile. Thinking about the season of advent, I wondered if adventure shared the root word. With the ease of Google search, I found out that  advenire ‘arrive’ meaning the arrival of something is at the core of both.

Advent is defined as: the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event, while adventure is an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity. For many children Christmas is exciting, while parents can dread the season. The expectancy of something big happening fills the air. But, for people in grief, or challenging life circumstances, it is not the most wonderful time of the year. And if Santa Claus is the only one coming to town for December 25, I’m not sticking around for it. (Bah, Humbug!)

In the far past, I thoroughly enjoyed December, and more hope-beach-sunset-quotes-quotesrecently I have rekindled a love of the Christmas season, coming out of a ten year mark of a world turned upside down, with personal catastrophic events that made the Christmas of 2005 my most dreaded ever. The Christmas that mocked me with All hearts come home for Christmas, the first Christmas that two of my three children were not on this planet, the first Christmas without my husband … I feel a strong kinship with the Biblical descriptor of  The people walking in darkness have seen a great light, on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned …   The dawning of light, is the beginning of hope. The beginning of the great adventure of Emmanuel … God with us … through thick and thin, through darkness and light.

This year as I light the first candle of Advent, the candle of Hope I reflect on the Hope that has carried me through a passage of grief, to a new shore. A stumbling towards beauty and grace.                                                                           

Hope is a choice, Hope has given me my voice                                                                 to question to doubt, to scream and shout                                                                           Hope has been in the midst as a spark                                                                                 as a river, a cause to shiver                                                                                                      Hope behind, hope before as it opens and shuts the door.                                                The taste of hope and I want more …                                                                                      More of the source, more of truth, more of the grace it has given                                 I want hope on this earth   …   and a taste of Heaven.

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Emily Dickinson says, Hope is the thing with feathers/ that perches in the soul. Does that make hope flighty? Or does it means it visits, when I need it most? Hope is a choice I can make. For me the source of the Hope is the litmus test of its worthiness. It is easy to miss the meaning of Christmas; it has been turned into numbers of shopping days left, and pre-Christmas boxing day sales.           May you also have some adventure in your advent season … we settle for tinsel when we could have eternity … 

A favourite Advent song of mine is Ready My Heart by Steve Bell. My apologies if the link does not work.

http://redmp3.cc/13011993/steve-bell-ready-my-heart.html

Jocelyn is author of Who is Talking out of My Head, Grief as an out of Body Experience

Decemberings from North Africa

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This is the land of the Nativity Card look alike, and I am closer to the bread and olive oil world that the baby Jesus entered, than when I hang stockings by the mantle in the winter wonderland of the Rocky Mountains. But there is little evidence that the major holiday of the western world is upon us.

So why does it not feel like Christmas? And what is Christmas supposed to feel like?

Here in North Africa, near the edge of the Sahara, the mother part of me desires to recreate the atmosphere that my daughter grew up with, on the Canadian prairies, so I can give my IMG_0066grandkids a sense of what “Christmas is about.” So Ernest Saves Christmas-our family movie from 25 years ago and the Cabbage Patch Christmas album, even older, have journeyed with me to share in this sandy land. I have brought ornaments to glitter and glue, chocolate chips for the baking. I brought my own wrapping paper. A part of me wants to do the something old, something new, something borrowed from this culture and the something blue comes naturally post grief. Throw in my daughter hosting a  community Christmas party, and the age old dilemma of Christmas Martha (Stewart) versus Christmas Mary (who ponders everything in her heart) takes shape … and I fall into the trap of performing.

And is it something I need to do in order for Christmas to happen? Ann Voskamp’s words challenge me … to become a space for God.  Immanuel-God with us … in order for that to happen, I have to make room in my crowded life for that filling, that presence.

It is only three days till Christmas, and my 5 year old grandson asks if we could please, please open one of those presents that magically appeared under the tree last night. I have forgotten how hard it is for children to wait for the day to open gifts. I feel my own impatience with waiting for the gift of fulfillment.  And I ponder again the concept of becoming a place for God.  Making a space for beauty, life, and joy to enter. May it be so.

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Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. – Peg Bracken

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. – Janice Maeditere

 

Doubts re-All Hearts Come Home for Christmas

by debbiedoos.comThe voices in my head argue this one out: The Magic of Christmas pitted against the: ‘this is not what I expected for Christmas’ … but I can accept either position at any given time, even at the same time.  What is the beauty of Christmas? And why have I traveled thousands of miles to be with my daughter and her family for this Advent season? There is a part of me that hungers for connection, for beauty, for the fulfillment of a longing I cannot exactly put my finger on. I know that the bonds of love are a huge part of the craving, being in the same air space with those I love, rekindling memories and crafting new ones. Every recent December, my own mother expresses a wish that she could experience ALL her family to come home at Christmas. And my heart does a split in two again, as I am reminded that two of my children will never come home for the Advent festivities on this planet. Death acts the grinch at Christmas.

And yet, in a desert land of North Africa where the “Joy to the World” is not sung, I watch my daughter intentionally celebrate the season, the reason, I am reminded of the hope and the peace spoken of as my grandchildren light the Advent candles. Around the kitchen table small fingers glue tissue paper to make a lantern light craft.  And a song played in my head, from when my children were crafters at my kitchen table, One small child in a land of a thousand, one small dream of a Saviour tonight.(Sung by Evie) A knock from the back door lets us know the neighbour and her daughter arrived in the midst of glue and tissue, and speaking of light of the world … and then the flow goes Arabic, and I step back and keep glue on paper. The girl is invited to make a lantern and the head-scarved mother asks the reason for what they are doing. More Arabic, and messages about the light of the world are spoken, and a fourth tissue lantern goes to another home.   IMG_3196

One small child in a land of a thousand                                                                                                          One small dream of a people of light.                One small hand reaching out to the starlight

One small saviour of life

So each year as I think of hearts coming Home at Christmas, I try to focus on the meaning of where I am truly at home. I am a spiritual being, and my heart is at home within the embrace of my spiritual Father.        And my heart feels warmed by the light.

Missing Magic 29

Magic Twenty-Nine

Twenty-nine on the 29th IMG_4216
As hard as I try to make it palatable
The magic is missing for me.
Ten birthday cakes I could not make …
She may be having heavenly tea
Alongside Angel food cake with berries
Small comfort this day.
I see her as she was in the old photos
I remember her Little Mermaid birthday cake
Her shy smile, or vivacious big grin
She never knew her true beauty
I remember her as she sang in church,
Slight hands cupped upward
face glowing
I knew she was connecting to Heaven.
I miss her when the tulip tips poke through the soft April earth
She shared the gardener’s heart.
I miss her every Christmas,
Her CD brings me to tears
As (Hark) the Herald Angels sing to me her gift of Love.
I miss her when I see the three lovely ones
who never got to meet their precious auntie.
I miss the beauty and life she brought to the room by just being present.
And I always wonder?
And I think I will wonder that till the day I die.
DSCN7439But for this day
I choose again to remember her beauty
To remember her “gift of poverty”
Her ability to connect with those on the social edges
She loved life, and the author of it.
I choose to be grateful that I was blessed to have a daughter as lovely as her.

I always thought spring was a wonderful time to have babies, new life, new hope.
And for this day, I choose Hope.
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Happy Birthday Precious girl!

Two website on Hope in the grieving:
http://www.griefhaven.org/memory.html
http://www.opentohope.com/death-of-a-child/

Does goodwill extend to dogs?

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Is Christmas only for kids and does peace on earth, good will extend to the dogs?

December brings a kind, seasonal spirit. The song asks “Why can’t we keep Christmas every day of the year?” And the reality is that Christmas brings stress: family isn’t always fun to be with, expectations are high, people are traveling, budgets get blown … the cause for headaches increases with the social obligations.

I am privileged to spend Christmas with my sister’s family this year, and delighted that small children are involved. Her eight year old grandson is losing his belief in Santa, he has pieced it together that when Santa showed up on Christmas Eve, grandpa was in the bathroom. When my own children were small, we didn’t fuss too much about Mr. Claus, we kind of let him be … his mall lap was sat on, hopes whispered into his ears, we have the pictures. I had not wanted all the components of Christmas to be lumped together, and then outgrown … like the magical man that can visit all the children of the world in a sleigh on one night. (About as realistic as the nativity scene?)

IMG_6361My own grandchildren are living in N Africa, and they are not bombarded with seasonal slogans, no music piped in at the malls. Everything is focused and intentional on their part, the country does not celebrate Christmas. Yes believe it or not, the western way of doing Christmas is very western, and very consumer driven … And the true Father of Christmas has invited us to become like little children-to come with eyes wide in wonder, and embrace the most unbelievable gift given for all—Immanuel, God with us.

And what about the dogs? How did that get into the picture … well in the Oregon country side where I am Christmasing, the neighbor has three dogs, two dobermans, and a small yapper …. My sister and I went for a walk, and to our nervous surprise, the dogs circled us, bared teeth … I was just thinking that they were not looking or feeling very friendly, when I felt this sharp pain on the back of my left leg as one dog darted behind me. “I think he bit me!” I exclaimed to my sister and he had. We talked to the owner—we told him that was a serious offence, and her grandkids were coming the next day … we wanted to be able to walk the country lane. My thoughts of goodwill were lost in the moment.

The culprit

The culprit

So does peace and good will extend to all? Do you extend good will to a dog? If so, what does that look like? The peace and joy of the season gets challenged daily in December and the coming year. So, who let the dogs out?

Merry Christmas to all!!

MAKE YOUR LIST & CHECK IT TWICE

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I received a serendipitous gift at a coffee shop recently.  I couldn’t help overhearing as Eddie read to his partner, and when he asked her “What do you think?” I joined in the conversation to say I thought it had been a great little article, who had written it? It was his own …. for me it was a chance encounter–to meet a fellow writer further along the road. (His website is listed below) Writing, like life is a process, and I learn as I go and grow. These little gifts come at the most wonderful of times, so I practise keeping my spirit open to them.

The line that caught my attention was–to make a list and check it twice. He was referring to a dream list, although I immediately thought about a gratitude list. It is easier to see what is not going well in my life, although I want to practise gratitude. As I walked home the world looked brighter, I was writing the things-I-was-grateful-for list. Being thankful is a mood changer.  87791726-person-making-list-photos-comTry it– make your list and check it twice, make two lists, one of gratitude and one of dreams.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas here, we just received what I dub the “Christmas Eve snowfall”–three inches of soft white frosting on the entire landscape, including my mindset at the moment.  You can get on my gratitude list easily, by leaving a comment–what are you most thankful for this season?

DSC_0053Richest blessings of the season to you and yours!

Jocelyn

Eddie Lemoine is an author and motivational speaker, to visit his website go to  http://eddielemoine.com/

More Humbugs-Tis the Season to Fa la la

DSC_0047Tis the Season when you deck the hall, or perhaps you want to deck someone?  What if you don’t like Christmas?  What do you do then?

Sales people love an early December snowfall—it makes the cash registers ring. The “Holly Jolly” songs have been piped over the PA systems for a few weeks, adding to the urgency to run the card through the machines to show people how important they are. The new math equates amount of dollars spent with amount of love expressed. It’s a time some people love, and some people hate. (Is this another best of times, worst of times?)

For people grieving it truly is the worst of times. My first Christmas after the loss of my two children, is one I would never ever want to repeat. Although there were some incredible God-moments, I dreaded the season for months in advance.  The constant reminders and family photo-card images reinforce for those in a tough situation,  the feeling of loneliness and despair, causing many people to want to pack up and ride away for the season. Be kind to all, you don’t know what they may be going through. May the spirit of love covers all aspects of your Christmas, like a gentle snowfall.

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It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on         Sarah McLachlan

Decemberings-Bah, Humbug

DSC_0067I woke early, disturbed by churning thoughts around getting ready  for Christmas. In light of past rushed Decembers (when I organized concerts and had many more child and work related events) preparations are minimal this year, so initially I wondered—why the angst? The present angst distracts me from the true meaning of Christmas, and affects how I focus on what is most important, even on my to-do list.

This morning my response was to listen to Steve Bell’s “Ready My Heart” song.                                                                                 (CD Christmas Feast, lyrics credited to Lois Shuford)

 Ready my heart for the birth of Immanuel
Ready my soul for the Prince of Peace
Heap the straw of my life
For His body to lie on
Light the candle of hope

Let the child come in 2012-12-05 17.27

HOPE is the largest gift of Christmas and it is a gift meant for all.

As I look outside I see the winter’s beauty, but also recognize the icy shroud that surrounds many people’s hearts, especially those that have been snowed under by grief. The power of hope shall not be kept in fancy wrappings. It can be most present in the midst of angst, grief, and disappointment.

                          IMG_2439The Beauty of a frozen waterfall, the tragedy of an icy heart.

Light the Candle of Hope

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.

Roy L. Smith